Yeah, I’m a tortured soul- so what? I am not a naturally happy person. I don’t trust easily, or usually at all. I read too far into meaningless words. I would rather be alone half the time. I don’t laugh at things I don’t think are funny. I agonize over trivial decisions. I don’t make friends with fake people, and I don’t engage in forced conversation. Suppressed feelings give me mild anxiety. Are these all bad things?
Let me tell you the great thing about people like me. When I am happy, which is more often than not, it is the most genuine feeling in the world. The smallest things mean everything to me. Why? Because I understand the complexities of sadness. If you’ve never been sad, how can you possibly recognize happiness? If you don’t acknowledge ALL of your emotions, the ones you cling to for whatever reason lose their legitimacy. I choose to house all of my different feelings, whether they’re attractive or not. The great thing about people like me is that we don’t lie about who we are. I would rather be sad and honest than happy and artificial.
I have learned in the past few years how to love myself, and I do very much. I don’t always feel proud of my thoughts and fears, but I refuse to dismiss them. I still have a LOT of room to learn and grow, but I am exactly who I want to be in this moment.
Are you?
